Opinionated Delusions
by AngelicxFiendish
Summary: Growing up can be a bigger pain than one thought. After returning home, Riku is faced with an even darker issue than he could imagine. Jealousy, desire.. How would this affect his friendship with Sora and the people around them? yaoi warning, mature theme
1. Chapter 1

**Opinionated Delusions**

AngelxFiend

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters. I just like the hobby of fan fiction.

[Mature rating] [yaoi alert]

Contains adult situations, sexual content and bad language at times.

You no like-y, you no read-y

Thanks~

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CHAPTER one.

Home.

Home is where the heart is. Home is a place you're always welcomed at. No matter what. Its someplace to always rest your weary head.

With that thought, as I stand here on the sandy beach of this once happy filled island where children ran amuck, I feel empty. Void. Out of place.

My hands ball into tight fists as my toes dig into the thick, mucky wet sand. The warm water rushing over the tops of my bare feet, washing back downward. The breeze from the seemingly endless sea brushed my long silver strands from my face. Bringing slight tears to my eyes. The sting from the air and the sting from my heart is to blame. I simply do not belong anymore. That has to be it. The darkness I once harbored cannot be overlooked. Why was it me? Why did I fall prey to it all? Was I really that weak? That foolish? I.. I always prided myself as being their leader. Their example. Instead I caused them pain, confusion and doubt. And now they celebrate our reunion on our once playground. Sora, Kairi, Selphie, Tidus and Wakka. From behind me, about eighty-five feet away from me, they sing old childhood songs over a blazing fire. They laugh so merrily. As if nothing had happen. As if I didn't-!

My nostrils flare a bit in silent rage as my teeth clutch tighter behind my lips. I didn't understand it! Fuck! Why couldn't I be as happy as them? ..Was it that same darkness that lead me to all this still manifesting inside my soul? No. Shit! What was it!? I'm not allowed to be happy. This is my punishment, but for what exactly?

"Riku!"

Being torn from my thoughts, I take a peak over my shoulder to see him. Sora. The one I secretly envied. Yes, I am older, I'm physically stronger than him. I'm his superior yet he has so much more than me! Sora has the one thing I truly want. Happiness. I turn my head back to the setting sun over the watery horizon, nonchalantly stretching my arms high above my head.

"..Yes, Sora?" I give him a small smile, scratching my fingers lightly through my soft hair.

"..Here, your fish is done." He tells me softly, handing me a skewered grilled fish on a stick. I grab it from him, examining it a bit before taking a little bite. It tasted great.

"Riku, you seem a bit distant. Is.. Everything alright?" The brunette asks me. I can feel his big, blue eyes locking on me with nothing but concern. I shrug him off, taking another bite of fish.

"I'm just tired. Its been such an unbelievable adventure." I say with a sigh, forcing myself to look at him. Man, had he grown over time. He was taller, not as bony.. Sora looked so much more mature than he used to. Do I dare call him attractive? I couldn't stop myself from frowning a bit. Luckily, the guy wasn't looking at my face.

Sora laughs sweetly, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Well you always did say we'd get off this island and have our own adventure, right?" His chuckles made my jaw clench.

"..Well yeah, I did. But hell, Sora.. I didn't want to endanger us like this.."

"But what's an adventure without a little danger?"

He's always so optimistic. "That's no excuse Sora!" I shouted at him, no longer able to mask my rage. "We could've been killed.. Or worse.. Kairi could've been without a heart forever. A fate much worse than death.."

I calmed my voice a little.

"Look at it this way, we made it back. Together. Stronger. Closer…- Riku your hand!" He cuts himself off to grab hold of my hand. Without notice, I've snapped the wooden stick my fish once hung from. The splintered wood stabbing into the flesh of my hand. My eyes widened in shock. I.. didn't even feel it at first, yet as I watched my blood run down the curve of my hand and onto his..

"..Aaaah!" I hissed in sharp pain while trying to snatch my hand away from his.

"Stop, Riku! Here!" He holds my arm tight, pulling the stick from out my hand.

I cursed as he pulled me into the water. My soaked pants instantly clinging to my legs as we walked, stopping waist deep in warm salt water. He gently peels off my glove and dips my hand into the water. Washing away the blood from our hands. I looked down at him briefly. His eyes held determination.. And slight worry. Red rings of blood circled us. It stung more.

The younger teen grabs my hand with a second hand. Using his thumbs to apply pressure, stopping the bleed. I could feel his fingers rubbing against the skin of mines soothingly. Sending sensations through me. I felt my face grow hotter.

"Would you let it go? I'm fine. Really. Thanks though.." I complain quietly, liking his remote display of affection and concern.

"That's a pretty deep puncture.." Sora says, lifting my hand up closer to his face for a better view.

"No shit, but its okay." I roll my eyes, looking over his head. I was always taller than him.

"C'mon. Lets go to my house and I'll wrap it. Besides my mom would love to see you again!" He grins his usual toothy grin.

"No, Im going home anyways so I'll do it there." I turn from him, beginning to walk back towards the beach.

"But-!" He starts yet again, running after me. I stopped suddenly. Causing him to ram into my back.

And for a brief second, I stopped breathing. Accidental or not, his arms wrapped around my waist. His face pressed into my back. The water around us rippled hard forward. Causing us to sway a bit. Sora felt so warm.. Just like his personality. And for the first time I recognized how cold I was compared to him. I gasped, caught off guard. Quickly I turned and shoved him away. I panicked. He couldn't know how vulnerable he was making me feel! I watched as he stumbled backwards and underwater briefly. He resurfaced, scattering hundreds of water drops in the air around him.

"What's with you?!" He shrieked angrily. His lips pouting so adorably. His soaked clothing sticking to his body so revealingly. God, I couldn't stop looking at him.. Why?

"Just- Just stay the hell away from me, Sora!" I shouted with equal rage, "You're not the hero anymore!"

With that I bolted away.

My feet beat against the sand as I ran with all my might. I hopped up the dock, ignoring the pounding pain that echoed through my arm from my hand. A slight whimper escaped me as I hurried to untie the ropes from the wooden block we use to keep our boats from floating away. I jumped into my boat, seizing the paddle and making my way away from that blasted island. Away from him.

* * *

6:43am.

That's what the digital clock on my desk tells me. Dimly lighting my somewhat pitch-black room with an eerie red glow. I sigh, unable to sleep is a real pain in the ass. Especially since I felt tired as hell. My eyes stare dully at the still wet pants and top that laid haphazardly on my bedroom floor. Accompanied by my underwear. I left my shoes on the beach. I didn't realize that though until I made it upstairs. Who cared.. I just took off my cold, damp clothing and crawled into my bed. Wrapping myself into the sheets.

Turning away, I advert my attention to my opened window I laid next to. I could hear the birds chirping lightly as the leaves rustle in the morning wind. My curtains swayed ghostly. I could begin to see the morning light shining against the soft satin like material. A chilly breeze rush over my bare body. Goosebumps appearing on my exposed thigh. I blink softly. Was that a rumble of thunder? I smile sweetly. Yes. Rain would put me to sleep in an instant.. I soon let my thoughts drift back into the past while awaiting the rain. The darkness I had to finally accept. To become just to get where I had to be.. Ansem.. I understand so much more now that I became you. Well.. For the most part. I laugh at myself, placing a hand on my forehead. How ridiculous! Just a mere thought… The torture was over. Now I have a new issue. A brunette one.

_**Buzzz! Buzzz! Buzzz!**_

I jump up, flinging my pillow across the bed. Scared. ..Oh, its just my phone vibrating on the desk. I curse, rolling my eyes and placing a hand on my chest, feeling my heart race.

Standing, I stroll across my room to my desk, lifting the phone as it still shook. I glace at the desk clock. 6:55am. Who could be calling this early in the morning anyways? I slid the screen up, answering the call and placed the speaker against my ear.

"..Yeah, hello?" My voice comes out low and husky.

"Hey Riku, good morning." a soft feminine voice replies. I instantly smirk a bit.

I shift my weight on my left foot, placing a hand on the back on my computer chair. "Oh hey, Kairi.. Whats up?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you were going to return to school today with us." She more so tells me than asks.

"To school?.." I pause a moment in thought. I planned on doing so, but I didn't know when. It wasn't like I had anything to do today, might as well. "..Y-Yeah, ok."

"Alright! God, I'm sorry for asking you so short noticed but you left so soon.. And I didn't have the chance to call you later, I was on a date." Kairi goes on to tell me. I could tell she was busy getting ready as she talked.

I hold my hand up, looking at the strange purplish color my wound was turning, leaning against the desk. "A date you say?"

She laughs softly. "Yeah. Sora asked me out as soon as you all got back! Didn't you know?"

"No. No I did not know this.." I answered quickly, my brows frowning together. I clenched my fist closed, the pain drowned out the bitter and resentful emotions that were bubbling inside me. He asked her out? And she said yes? Christ! I was going to ask her out!

"..Oh, that's weird. I could've sworn you would be the first to know. But yeah, anyways.. We are-"

"Do you like him, Kairi?" I cut her off. My tone colder than ice.

"Yeah, a lot. I feel so bad for not remembering him.." I did not want to hear that.

"Do you love him?"

Her silence lasted a bit longer than usual to that question, so I repeated myself sternly.

She finally spoke up, slightly breathing into the receiver. "…I, um.. Well yes. But I love you too, Riku."

My sea green eyes widened a bit. I was taken aback by that one. Why did she throw that in there? Was it that obvious I liked her too? I bit my bottom lip.

"..Of course. We all love each other. We're friends right?" I laughed, trying to dismiss her thought. I didn't need her knowing I was jealous.

"Yeah we all are. ..Riku.."

"Listen.. I really have to start getting ready if Im going to school today, so I will.. Seeya there." I didn't give her a chance to say anything else as I quickly pressed the end key and dropped the phone back down to the desk.

I stood there silent. My fingers pressed against my lips, slipping a nail between my teeth as I bite down on the nail in thought. They were a couple? If I didn't feel left out then I sure as hell did now. I lost her. And I lost Sora.. Wait a minute.. I lost Sora? I shook my head. Who cared? ..Well I did. Why else would I feel a sharp pang in my heart?

"What the fuck.." I murmured, more lost and confused than ever.

I stepped outside, a piece of toast held in my freshly bandaged hand. It was raining. I turned to close the front door behind me. Pausing to adjust the tie around my neck. I take another bite of toast, chewing it slowly. It tasted bland despite the butter and jelly. Holding it between my teeth, I opened my umbrella and stepped out from the shelter of the porch and into the rain. My backpack felt oddly heavy. Must have been the old books I never got a chance to return. I walked down the street, being careful not to splash water on my freshly ironed black school pants. My white, button up dress shirt laid neatly tucked into my slacks, completed with a black necktie. I wanted to make a good impression for my first day. Then again, I always made sure I dressed neatly. Call it pride. I still had it, even if I was shaken and injured..

I arrived at school less than 10 minutes later.

I didn't bother looking for anyone, instead I went straight to my locker. Unloading the books from my bag and then stuffing it towards the back. With a sigh, I grabbed my notebook and pencil case. Lucky it was a small district high school. My locker had been left alone. I looked into the small mirror that was pinned against my door. A bluish green eyed male stared back. I looked tired. Probably all the no sleep I got. Turning my head lightly, I moved in closer. Was that facial hair growing on my chin? I smiled happily. I bet Sora didn't even have pubes below his waist.. Okay, why was I thinking about his pubic hair? Gross.. I slammed the locker shut and made my way towards the main office, stroking my silver chin hairs.

* * *

"Riku!"

"Oh my GOD! Is it really you?!"

"What happened to you?"

I stood at the front of the class as a swarm of mostly girls rushed towards me. Some grabbing at me while others stood waving at me. I remained cool, as I usually did. Needless to say, I was always popular with the opposite sex. Well all but one member of the female gender. Kairi. My face dropped a bit at this thought. Instantly my eyes shot over the group of people, looking from desk to desk. Was she here? God, did I even want to see her after that phone call this morning?

Suddenly the world around me slowed down. The color drained. Everything was black and white, muted. Voided of organic life. And there she was. Sitting in the desk furthest to the left of the class room. Against the wall. She sat quietly. Watching me. A look of sadness shadowed her normally jovial expression. Was it because of me? I let my eyes narrow at her. It was just her and I. …Of course it wasn't because of me. I valued nothing above her. I was willing to sacrifice myself.. My friends and family.. Sora.. For her! So theres nothing I could ever do to deserve the look she was giving me.

_**Briiiiiiiiiinnnng!**_

Whatever zone we entered disappeared as fast as it appeared as the first bell rang. Signaling the start of my school day. The gang of questioning students dispersed as the teacher entered the classroom. I followed suit, moving down the aisle of desks. The only seat available was behind her. I exhaled briefly in disapproval.

Moving past her without a glance, I sat down slowly. My eyes glued to the back of Kairi's pretty head. There she was. So many questions filtered through my head. Soon I saw her shoulders tense a bit. She turns her head, her soft brown hair shifting as she peeked over her shoulder at me. Our eyes met in a silent gaze. I cracked a smile at her. I couldn't help it. She was cute. I loved her. More than Sora could ever. I suddenly tore my eyes from her, slouching down into my seat and looking out the window. It was grey out, still raining.

"Riku…" She whispered.

"..Yeah?" I answered, now looking down at my hand as I twirled my mechanical pencil around.

"Are you mad with me from earlier?" She asked me, turning in her seat. Facing me fully and placing a warm hand over mines.

Instinctively, I lace my fingers with hers. Caressing them ever so softly. I lean forward, lowering my voice to keep our conversation private. I already knew people were watching my every move..

"Kairi, we're not kids anymore.. It would be childish of me to be upset with you. I only hope Sora takes care of you like you desire to be taken care of." I say softly, staring into her eyes once more. Trying with all my might to mask the complete and utter heartbreak and anger that threaten to engulf me.

She nods gently, smiling sweetly at me before thanking me and turning back around. I smiled back, until she was facing the front of the room once more. Only then did I let my smile fade away. I sit back into my chair, tucking some silver strands behind my ear in thought.

Oh how I longed to be back into my oblivion.

* * *

For the most part, my day hurried by. Most likely because I was lost in my own miserable thoughts.

I think back to our earlier days. Carefree kids, wanting to run away from our island of security. To search for other worlds together. Not knowing what exactly we were asking for. But besides that, Sora and Kairi.. I knew he liked her. He must have known I liked her too. Why else were we constantly competing for? But.. Who did Kairi truly like? ..was it him all along?

"..Riku!"

I look up, being snatched from my thoughts. A brunette teen grins happily at me. I bit my lip.

"..Sora.." I say uncomfortably.

"Yo! We finally have a class together. Even if it's the last period of the day." He smiles, crossing his arms behind his head classic Sora style.

I stare at him, trying to put together just whatever the hell he was talking about.

Oh.. Gym class was my last class for the day. And I have it with.. Sora.. I was doing so well avoiding him all day. I could handle sharing class with Kairi. I didn't mind pretending to be perfectly fine with everything. Just being the same ol' Riku she remembered. Her smile was rewarding enough. The way her soft lips curled upwards.. I would imagine kissing those sweet lips of hers when she wasn't looking. But with Sora now, I couldn't help but feel so coldly towards him. I was slowly hating him. Hating that he tore what I most wanted from me. Hating how warm and open he was. How gentle yet so brave.. So much stronger he was now. As children, before Kairi, he was so soft and easily scared. Yet I was the bigger one, the braver one so I always watched out for him. I never let anyone bully him or bother him. And when he cried, like he always eventually did, I was there to make him feel better. Either that or he used that to sucker me out of my candy or ice cream. ..That little idiot. I smiled outside my mind. For the first time all day I smiled a genuine smile.

I finally acknowledged what he was talking about, standing from my chair and collecting my things. "Um, yeah. One class a day together. How will you ever survive without me?" I teased, feeling normal for once.

Sora laughed, pushing me lightly out the door. "Hey, I'll carry that. Hows your hand?"

I watched as he took the books I was carrying in my bandaged hand. Quickly I was flooded with the memories of the day I got hurt. How mean I was to him when he was just trying to help me. Yet he acts like it didn't even happen. Here he comes to my class to walk with me to gym. ..Maybe he deserved Kairi more than I did.

"Thank you, Sora.. I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean what I said.." I tell him, guiding him towards my locker.

"Oh, no sweat. Its ok." He smiled, handing me the books as I put away my things and grabbed my gym clothes.

After I closed my locker door, I swiftly hung an arm around his neck. Pulling him into me in a weird affectionate kind of headlock. "You're a good guy, Sora. I missed you." I pulled him along towards the gym.

"I..missed you too. R-Riku!" He says while squirming against me, trying to pull free.

* * *

…Why aren't I surprised?

I shook my head slowly, covered in mud from head to toe. I held the football under my arm as Sora was being forced to stay after class to do chin-ups for royally screwing up and causing my team to lose. But hey, I knew what I was getting into when I recruited him right away. Sora was never that good at sports. I wanted him on my team though. After all, he's my closest friend. It was dumb to have outdoor gym anyways. It was still drizzling out here for Christ's sake. Mud was everywhere. On top of Sora's skills. That's only asking for disaster.

The rest of our classmates had gone home for the day. But I decided to stay with him. The coach made it clear he couldn't leave until he finished every last one of his chin-ups. And from the looks of it, the last one would be the one to kill him. The brunette clutched hold of the bar with all his might. His eyes squeezed shut, his teeth clutched tightly. His nostrils flared as he inhaled loudly. His feet dangling about a foot from the grass. He was a lot muddier than myself. Earth clotted into his unruly brown locks, smeared all over his limbs and face. It was a pity. I dropped the football to the ground with a slight smile. He was a trooper alright. Seeing that I was staying, the coach trusted me to make sure he did all two hundred and fifty-five chin-ups before he left. What a hassle.. So I agreed to cut him some slack and let him duck out early, but he refused. I don't know if he really is that noble or perhaps slightly retarded…

"Come on, last one." I say, looking around a bit to make sure we were in the clear before I walked up directly behind him.

"Shit..!" I heard him curse under a muffled tone.

Wrapping my arms around his thighs, I lifted him up. Completing his torture. I then stepped back a few paces, pulling him away from the bar and setting him down on the ground beneath me. He smiles at me and I smile back. Happy to help.

"I can't believe I screwed up and caused us the game. I'm sorry Riku.. I let everyone down." Sora says softly, leaning against me. I helped him back into the school and towards the boys' locker room.

"Don't worry about it, I didn't expect us to win…. Eh… I mean.." I cut off, looking down at his sulking face, "..I mean, it didn't matter if we won or not! It's just a damn game. Don't let all that shit coach said upset you neither. You're a very special person.. That.. isn't a potato humping fag.." That was quite creative.

"You're right.." He says, limply sitting on the bench, rubbing his arms.

I pulled off my soiled top and tossed it on the bench next to him. "Hell yes I'm right. Without you, everyone would've been dead most likely."

Sora looks up at me with his big, blue doe like eyes. "..without us, you mean." He says with dead calm.

I stood there for a while. "Yeah.. Okay, sure. Without all of us." I smiled with a nod, before walking away to the shower area. Turning on the hot water full blast.

I walked back over to the bench where I sat back down next to Sora. He still hadn't removed any of his clothing, yet he sat there staring down at the floor. I smiled softly. "What's wrong? You look down."

He shook his head gently, looking up at me. "I'm just tired.. And, and my arms are really sore."

I could tell that was only part of it. Something was bugging him. Perhaps it was guilt from holding something back from me. His best friend. But I didn't push it. No, I'll make him feel bad enough that he'll just spill it out. With that in mind, I slid closer to him. Taking his arm in my hands. I watched as he looked on silently. His lips parted as if he was going to protest. A quick, stern glance up at him quickly killed whatever he was going to say. I then began to massage his arm muscles. They felt a bit bigger than I remembered. As my fingers prodded, I smile up at him. He swallows hard. His cheeks turning a nice rosy color. Good. Just a little more and he'll be crying out to me his secret. That he's going with the girl of my dreams..

"Does this help it feel better? Sora?" I ask ever so gently. So kind and lovingly.

"Yeah a lot better. I should shower now.." He says dully while ghosting past me towards the already going shower head.

I smile a bright, toothy smile. Almost laughing! He was so fricken easy sometimes!

I slipped off my gym shorts and boxers quickly. Grabbing the body wash from out my gym bag and turning on my bare heels towards the shower area. Of course whoever planned out the locker room totally threw out the idea of privacy. The showerheads were lined up on the same wall, surrounded by open tiling and a few floor drains. That's about all. But whatever. Its not like that sort of thing mattered. I've known Sora almost all my life. We even took baths together. A simple thing like this shouldn't matter…

I froze.

He was already undressed and under the steamy running water. Brown, murky water ran down his body as he rubbed at his arms furiously. Oblivious to my rude gawking at his nude, wet body. I couldn't look away.. From his pouty pink lips, down his chest where that silver chain he always wore laid. The crown resting against his skin between a pair of light red nipples. I remembered to breathe before allowing myself to keep observing. Yes 'allowing'. I regained control of myself, yet I did not wish to move on. I followed a stream of water down his developing abdomen, over his navel.. Down to the soft patch of pubic hair I earlier doubt existed. Right down to his limp shaft. I felt my heart pound. Just as hard as the falling water pounded his slightly tanned skin. Before I knew it, the plastic bottle of soap slipped from my hand and hit the floor with a loud smack. I cursed it. Bending down, I picked it up and looked over at the other male. He was now looking at me with a smirk.

"I didn't bring my soap, mind if I use some of yours?" He asked, his eyes half lidded as the water ran down his face.

"No, I don't mind." I replied, turning on a second shower. The water came out cold. I was glad.

I handed him the bottle and began wetting my skin and hair. Taking quick glances at Sora as I went. I liked what I saw and I wanted to keep viewing.. Without him knowing of course. Sora was too busy lathering up his thick hair to care or notice. I came to a complete halt just watching, like an idiot. He looked up at me confused before mouthing a silent "oh" and handed me the bottle back. I took it with a nervous chuckle and proceeded to soap myself up. Closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. This was bothering me! Since when did I enjoy looking at another guy's naked body? Especially Sora! I was suppose to be mad at him. I was suppose to hate him..

"Rikuuu.." A whine forced my eyes open.

I ran a hand through my wet, silver hair. Pulling it out of my face, blinking water from my eyes. "What is it?"

He turns in a few circles, trying to reach for his back. It was a cute display.. Revealing more of his body to me. Making my nightmare worse, I was growing erect fast.

"Riku, can you wash my back? It feels like there's dirt still on it.." He groans looking back at me. I cover my groin with the body wash bottle.

I move over behind him. Keeping my distance a bit. There was still a smudge of dirt there. I eased him forward under the water, rinsing it away. Beneath the dirt however, there was a slight cut. Most likely from all the tackles he received. I traced a fingertip over it, trailing it down his back slowly. I wanted to explore his whole body this way.. God, I was getting so flustered from this..

"That tickles.." Sora giggles a bit, with a shudder.

"Oh, Sorry.." I withdrew my hand quickly "You have a cut back here.."

"Great.. Just don't get soap in it." The younger one sighed, pressing the front of his body against the tiled wall under the showerhead.

"Mm.. it's cold kinda. Feels good against my achy body.." He goes on to say as I squeezed a little pile of soap into the palm of my hand. Still trying to take deep breaths.

I smeared the soap over his back in small circles. Forcing myself to remain calm and act natural. This was just a phase. Oh please let it be a phase! I made quick work, grabbing his arms and instructing him to step backwards off the wall and into the water. I was so busy trying to seem normal that I forgot about my now fully erect manhood. I pulled him back.. And into me! I gasped loudly as I felt his moist body press into it. I poked him! He knows! I tried to push him away, but it was too late.. Oh fuck it was too late.. The brunette turned to look at me with wide eyes. His mouth parted in surprise. A light blushing covered his cheeks. I felt my whole face flush with embarrassment. It felt like my heart stopped as well. I kind of wished it had. I covered my face with my hands, I didn't know what else to do! I was ruined..

A few moments like this passed. Only thing heard was the running water and my breathing. I couldn't take it anymore! I turned to run. I had to get away from him. Once more. But before I could take a step away, something grabbed my arm. I paused and looked over my shoulder horrified. It was him! He was stopping me. His eyes held slight amusement and acceptance. I knew he wanted to laugh at me. Call me gay and everything else his mind could conjure up. I wasn't going to let him though.

"Riku.. Its okay. It happens a lot for no reason. Its natural." He tells me gently.

"It wasn't for no reason!" I shouted back at him before thinking. I then slapped a hand over my forehead.

"..It wasn't?" He sounded so confused. "Then why?"

I shook my head. No! This wasn't about me! All this was suppose to be about him and Kairi. I turned back to face him fully. The bottle of body wash still clutched in my hand. I shook with rage.

"Shut up! Why didn't you tell me about you going out with Kairi!? Since you're so understanding, Sora!" I screamed at him.

The younger male stood completely still, shocked once more. He adverts his eyes to the floor, scratching through his hair. It was his turn to be put in a tight squeeze.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" I taunted.

He looks up at me with glossy sorrowful eyes. He stutters quietly, unsure what to say. So I cut off his nonsense.

"Yes I know! ..I thought we were suppose to be tight, Sora! You don't hold out from each other! You knew how I felt about her! Maybe this was suppose to be some kinda lame joke, huh? Laugh at me behind my back.."

"No! Riku, I just didn't know how to tell you! I didn't want to hurt you-" He began desperately.

"BULLSHIT!" I yell once more, throwing the bottle at him. It slammed loudly against the wall beside him, squirting blue liquid along the tiling.

Sora jumps at the sudden violence, brown hair clung to his face. I breathe heavily. My hands clutched into tight fists at my sides. The teen slowly looks up at me with pleading eyes through his wet chestnut hair. He looked so hurt, so sorry. My hands eased out of their tight fists, I felt bad for exploding on him.. It wasn't like I was totally angry with him for that.. No, there were other reasons behind my rage.. Conflicting reasons..

"Look, Riku.. I just.. I honestly didn't know how to tell you. I don't want you mad at me like this. But I swear I was going to tell you soon." He inches closer to me, grabbing my injured hand. The bandages soggy and slipping off.

"You didn't know, huh? How about, 'Hey, I'm fucking Kairi.'.." I snorted, running my good hand through my long, hair. I felt the grip on my hand tighten.

"Its not like that! We.. We haven't even kissed on the lips yet.." He says quietly. I looked down at him, dumbstruck.

"Riku.. Please don't be mad at me.. I'm sorry. I really am." Sora spoke sweetly, removing my ruined bandages.

I shook my head, not sure what else to say. He sort of killed my coveted rage.. As usual something is ruined for me. I move from him. I hear him whisper my name as I turned off the water and moved past him to the locker room to get dressed. It was getting really late and I wanted to get away from him. The both of us nude like this.. couldn't result in anything good. Making my way towards my belongings, I could hear him following behind me. Our wet feet making smacking sounds against the cold hard floor. Sora calls out again to me softly, but I ignore him. I slam my things around grabbing hold of my towel and quickly drying off. I roughly dried my hair with the towel lastly, while slipping on my underwear and pants. Then the tank top wore under my shirt. I didn't feel like wearing the shirt though. I then piled all my things into my bag. I turned to see him standing off to the side watching me with teary eyes. What the hell was with him?

"Stop sulking and get your stuff together." I barked at him.

"Promise me you're not mad.. " He says in a low tone.

I moved towards his still nude frame. "I'll get it for you then.." I say walking away, grabbing up his muddy gym clothes from off the shower room floor.

But as I walk back past him, he grabs my tank forcefully. My eyes widened at his sudden aggressiveness. He pushes me backwards and against some empty lockers with a loud bang. His sky blue eyes burned into mines. His knuckles turning white. Water trickled down his forehead as he glared up at me.

"Stop it Riku. Stop it. I know you're not mad anymore.. So just say you forgive me!" His voice came out shakily despite his glare.

I quirked a brow. "..If you know so much, then why do I need to say it?" I challenged the younger guy just to see how he would react.

"I..Just need to hear it. I won't forgive myself until I actually hear you say it. I never wanted to hurt you.. You're so very important to me. You've been acting so distant… I don't want to lose my best friend.. I love you.." He says so endearingly, dropping his head.

He truly touched me. I smiled, feeling any hostility towards him completely dissolve. I felt him tremble, so I held him there against me. He buried his face into my chest. Wetting my top. I didn't care. I just wanted him against me. Like old times.. Often when we were young, the only way to calm Sora was to hug him tightly. it's a secret we had. I made him swear he wouldn't tell anyone we held each other like that. That was only for us to know..

I trailed my hand up against his back to the base of his neck, giving it a light squeezing. "I forgive you."

With my injured hand, I lifted his chin. His pretty lips smiled brightly for me. So delectable.. I wanted to.. Feel them against mines. My lips burned to meet his for the first time. Shit, what was wrong with me!? My heart was pounding so hard. My eyes glued onto Sora's little lips.. And before I could catch myself.. I bent down and kissed him. Those very lips I was just thinking about! My body betrayed me so ruthlessly. I was grateful.

I closed my eyes with a small moan. His lips felt wonderful against mines. He didn't fight me. Sora kind of just stood there. Shocked I'm sure, but I couldn't tell. I opened an eye to see a wondrous sight. His eyes were closed too! He was kissing me back..

"Mmm.. Soraa.." I breathe his name, seizing his bottom lip between my teeth.

He whimpers softly. Turning me on. My hands instantly shot down to the fly of my pants, unfastening them. I was running on pure instincts. And my instincts wanted one thing.. His hands down my pants.

"Nnn, Riku! No, wait.. I.. um.." He panicked, pushing himself away from me.

"Wha.. Whats the matter? What is it?" I panted, still against the lockers with my pants now open and lips slightly reddened from the suction of our sensual kiss.

Sora continued to back away. He stood there naked in front of me. Looking quite peculiar. I gave him a sexy, sly smile after I licked my lips of course. To show how much I loved that.

"Sora its okay. It can be our secret. Just like old times." I assured him, moving closer to him; I pulled my tank top back off. Tossing it aside.

His eyes widened. I saw his manhood twitch to life. "..I don't.." He started, backing up against a neighboring wall.

"Don't be so frightened.. It's me, Riku. Remember when we were kids.." I began, pressing my body against his shaking one; pinning him. "..We had our hugging secret. Well I think its time we graduated."

Before he could reply, I had my mouth over his again. I was intoxicated over the taste of his lips. It was ecstasy. The brunette squirms softly, his mouth so soft and warm against my own. I laced my fingers between his, holding his hand tightly. My mouth trails down his neck. Tasting his body. My second hand roamed the side of his thigh. Brushing against curly hairs of his genitalia area. I feel his body quiver. His clammy free hand shot up, his fingers burying deep into my damp hair. Pulling with a loud moan. A moan equivalent to angels singing a chord of absolute harmony and joy…

I press my lips against his ear, breathing heavily. "Its okay Sora.. Baby.. I'm not confused anymore.. I understand exactly what it is I want.. What I always wanted. You. Its been you. Not Kairi.. Not power. Not to belong or fit in. Its always been you. I love you!" I laugh happily, kissing him deeply once more.

Our tongues met briefly. Yet soon I met teeth, lips then nothing.. He let my hair go, then pulled his hand from mines. I was pushed back giving him room to walk past me, with his head down. I watched his naked form bend over to collect his belongings. His erection standing firm. I just wanted to show him the emotions harboring inside me; by clutching his hard-on and making him climax loudly. Together. I wanted us to experience this together. We were virgins. Who was better suited to take that from each other than him and me?

I watched silently as he began to dress. I just stood there, topless, hoping he would at least say why he stopped us. Not until he was fully dressed in his school uniform did he look back over at me. A look of disappointment and more confusion. I didn't understand what he was thinking. I just told him what I was going through and how I felt. Christ! I poured my heart out to him in a heated passion.

"Sora, what?" I asked, trying to smile and cover the worry. I fear I made the biggest mistake of my life just now..

"Riku, I'm with Kairi now." Was his only words to me before he disappeared around the corner and out the locker room. Leaving me there alone with my thoughts.

[End Chpt]


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER two.

"_Riku, I'm with Kairi now."_

"_Riku, I'm with Kairi now."_

"_Riku, I'm with Kairi now."_

Over and over I replay this in my mind, desperately trying to decipher whatever hidden message that might be in it. Of course I knew they were together now! I mean, come on. That didn't matter to me. I wished it hadn't matter to him neither. All I wanted.. Was for him to accept my feelings. Perhaps it was a bit much to ask suddenly. But it wasn't like I knew it all along myself. It took the time we spent together in that locker room… To decipher what exactly my heart was trying to tell my brain; that I was jealous and.. And so angry because I wouldn't open my fucking eyes. Yes, I do still have feelings for Kairi, but the ones I have for Sora are far deeper. Greater. Is it so wrong to be in love with your best friend? If anything, I think it's a common situation. To have said feelings for someone who knows you better than anyone. Someone that cares for you and always had for a while. What makes it so different is.. We're both male. Does it mean I'm gay? Shit, I don't care..

With a heavy sigh I drag the bow against the thick strings of my cello. A deep, depressing sound vibrated out into the otherwise silent, still air of my room.

Ahh.. Such a calming feeling.

Readjusting my fingering on the neck of my heavy instrument, I play another slow chord. I often play my cello when I'm alone and bothered by something, instead of talking it out with my parents. Well if you want to call my father and his new wife any type of parents. If they're not physically away, they're away mentally. Too busy with their new lives to even notice me. I was surprised they realized I was gone for a year.. Wonder how long it took them to notice.. I halt my play, resting my forehead against the cello. My arms held their positions stiffly. My hair falls softly into my face as I smile sadly. I feel a warm droplet of water roll down my cheek but I ignore it. I ignore it like the world ignores me.

"Oh God.. Why did you kiss me back, Sora?" I ask the room as if he was standing there.

My arm holding the bow falls to the side. The bow hitting the floor with a dull thud. "If you really hated the idea of it, why did you kiss me back?"

I've been burning to ask him that since the incident happen about a week ago. But I haven't seen him since then. We only have gym class together and he never shows up anymore! I've asked Kairi about it, she says he started working with his father after class. Which means he has to start school earlier than us to make up for not going to his last class. ..I haven't worked up the courage to go by his house.

I sniffle loudly, wiping my face with the neck of my t-shirt. Standing, I put my cello back into its case and put it away in my closest. My mother gave me it before she died. She was the only one that understood me, but even my father paid more attention to me back then. It was a happier time. But after she died, he just became distant. We moved from our old house to here. Where he met his second wife..

I pull some rather baggy shorts on and open my bedroom door, going into my bathroom. After closing the door behind me, I stalk over to my sink, turning on the water. Cupping my hands under the running tap. I needed to wash my face. I hated the way dried tears felt on my skin.

I reached for my towel, drying my face. I stare into the mirror at my reflection.

"_Am I ugly?" _I think to myself, looking from left to right.

A sea-green eyed guy looks back at me. Slender silver brows naturally arch gently above his eyes. Long silver strands clung to his face and down to his pale neck. He had pinkish soft lips, perfect for kissing. Moving lower, he was in great physical shape. His muscles formed underneath his fitted shirt.

I stare at the reflection harder. No, I didn't think I was unattractive. Too many people tell me otherwise. I'm not a jerk, I'm not shallow.. Maybe I'm a bit arrogant and a bit of a loner at times, but that's not too bad, is it? I shook my head and left the room, heading downstairs.

I slipped around in my white socks. The hallway floor must have been waxed again. It was too dark to notice. I turn and peep into the sitting room, the only room lit in the whole house. I silently cursed. My father sat on the couch under the lamp, reading the newspaper. He was a tall man, short black hair, green eyes. He still looked relatively young for his age of thirty-seven.

"Riku, where are you going at this time of night? Don't you have school in the morning?" He asks me in a low tone, turning the page of his paper. Its not like he looked at me the few times he had something to say to me.

I glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven-thirty at night. "Don't you have work right now?" I shot back, grabbing my sandals.

"No, I'm waiting on your mother to return. We have to take a flight."

"She's not my mother. She's your wife." I corrected bitterly, slipping my shoes on and preparing to walk out.

"Fine your _step-mother_. Is there something wrong with you?" The man finally looks up at me with his cold eyes.

"Oh please, don't act like you give a shit about me suddenly. I'm spending the night at Sora's." I snapped on him as I usually did when he addressed me.

"Watch your filthy mouth, Riku …You've become way out of control."

I hear him growl at me before I slammed the front door behind me. He didn't care about me anymore. The only thing he loved was his job and his wife. Me and my mother were just an unwanted memory. Fine by me. At least I have my mom.. Alive or dead.

* * *

Well I didn't plan on spending the night at Sora's house. I didn't even know where I was going to. But I needed to get away from my house and clear my mind.

I look at the digital watch on my wrist. I had been roaming around already for almost forty minutes. I was getting a bit hungry and tired. I look up at the street signs; I was near Sora's house. Maybe I needed to see him. I honestly didn't want to though.

I was scared to face him. I was scared of rejection. I didn't think I could handle anymore in my life at the moment..

But I have to be a man. I had to face what I started and see it through. Even if it was a dead end. So be it. Its all worth it for an eased mind; at least I would know where I stood.

Not too much later I found myself in front of his house. No lights were on around the front. Well I wasn't surprised, it was well after midnight on a weekday. I walked around to the back, under Sora's window. There came a faint, ghostly light shining out his window. Was he up watching TV? I'd go take a peep. I climbed up the old tree next to his house stealthily. Reaching a sturdy branch, I inched up it. Crawling over to the roofing under his window and with a leap I landed on it quietly. I carefully scaled the side of the wall to his room's window. Where I ducked under it, peeping through…

*

_I saw a body sitting on the floor by his bed, right under his TV. He was up watching something, but I couldn't tell what it was. I raised the window up a bit more, it was already cracked. Whatever it was, he was fully into it. He didn't even turn around. I watched closely… My eyes widen suddenly. Was that porn!? Yes, yes it was! I smiled, that bum.. But as I watched on, I noticed something a little funny. There wasn't any girls.. Just two guys.. This kind of intrigued me. Why was he watching gay porn? Maybe.. Maybe I did spark something. _

"_Oh Sora, I'd be more than happy to make a porn with you." I thought happily as I knocked on his glass with a knuckle._

_The other male spun around quickly, I could tell he was frightened as if he had been caught. I heard him say something nervously, jumping up to turn the TV off and hop on his bed. Where he opened the window for me. He was topless, wearing nothing but his underwear. I wonder if he had been pleasuring himself. This excites me._

"_R-Riku, what are you doing here?" He whispers, his face concerned._

"_This is the only way I get to see you apparently. We need to talk." I whisper back to him, climbing in and landing on his bedspread._

"_Can't this wait? I have school early in the morning. Plus I gotta help my dad later on.." He whined a bit. Was I making him that uncomfortable?_

_I take my sandals off and sit Indian style on his bed. I notice a DVD case next to me. I pick it up, reading the cover. I smirked. "It wasn't like you were sleeping. You had.. 'Barely Legal Bad Boys' here to keep you company." _

_He snatched it from me as I waved it at him, his face turning red under the glowing streetlight that shined through his window and onto his bed. He didn't look at me. Instead he just looked downwards as he kneeled on his bed besides me. It hurt me a bit. So I spoke up._

"_Sora.. Why haven't you been around anymore? Why don't you talk to me anymore?" _

"_I just told you, I've been working with my dad on the boats.." He sighed a bit, finally looking at me with his beautiful blue eyes._

"_Even so, we always had time to hang out before, no matter how busy we were." I replied softly._

"_I know. But its different now.." He began, rubbing the back of his neck._

_My heart skipped a beat. "What do you.. Mean?"_

_Sora became a bit nervous. I could tell by how he fiddled with his hands. "Well… when you kissed me in the locker room.. It scared me. It felt.. So different."_

"_But.. Why did you kiss me back?" I asked quickly, dying to know his answer._

_He shrugged gently, closing his eyes before he spoke. "I.. I don't know. I just.. Went along. I didn't know what else to do, Riku! I've.. Never kissed anyone like that before.." _

_I couldn't move for a moment. I felt both guilty and honored. "That was your first make-out kiss?"_

"_Don't fucking make fun of me." He growled a bit at me sternly._

_I shook my head, holding my hands up. "No no! I wasn't. I mean, I'm happy to have shared that with you.. But I feel bad for kinda taking you by surprise."_

_He laughed softly for a moment. I laughed too. It felt so much better to be sharing this with him. _

"_I'm sorry for avoiding you. I was scared to admit I liked kissing you. I was scared to admit I liked you kissing me. I.. I didn't understand what was happening to us. I thought it was wrong, that we were ruining our friendship." He added suddenly, looking outside the window as he spoke._

"_That's the thing, Sora.. I didn't understand neither. I think that's why I was having all those weird thoughts.. Which is why I was so distant. But I'm not confused anymore. I accepted how I feel about you. And things are so much better. So instead of running from me, face me. Face the outcome. it's a whole new adventure.."_

_He looks back up at me. "You're absolutely right, Riku. I want to know. I want to find out."_

_I placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Sora places a hand on the side of my face as we gradually pulled in closer. I closed my eyes, tilting my head to the side slightly. Soon I could feel him breathing against my lips. I closed the gap quickly. I felt him jump. Our lips pressed into each other. We paused momentarily. It was like heaven. We pulled back slowly. I opened my eyes to see his. The brunette cracks a smile as we held our stare. _

_I let my hand slide down from his shoulder, down his chest. My fingers brushing over his erect little nubs. I hear his breathing pick up as I played with his nipples. I look back up at him and he moves in, kissing me hard. I smiled within his kiss; Opening my mouth and letting his tongue slip inside. Roaming my mouth. I wrap my arms around his torso, pulling him forward and on top of me as I laid back on his bed. We sunk down into his comfy sheets. He straddles me and promptly removes my t-shirt. Tossing it to the floor. With his hand he brushes some of my hair from my face. His touch felt so soft and lovingly. After kissing my lips once more, he kissed down my neck, sucking and biting gently. I moan, grabbing a handful of his hair. _

"_For a guy who hasn't made out before, you sure know how to do the rest pretty well…" I groan out to him breathlessly._

"_I've had that DVD for three days now.." He laughs before running his warm, wet tongue over my nipple._

_He causes a chill to run down my spine. I reach down, undoing my shorts. Sora takes over, pulling them down my legs. I watched as he eyed my erection through my boxer-briefs. I sit up, pulling his underwear down first. Grabbing him, I put him on the bottom. Wasn't like he noticed, he was still staring at my cock. _

"_You've seen it before." I tell him with a smile._

"_Yeah, but not up close.. Nnh. Riku.." He says my name as I pressed my erection against his bare one._

_I took hold of his shaft, rubbing it up and down slowly yet firmly. He closes his eyes, moaning softly for me to go on. I obeyed. My other hand reaching under the band of my underwear and grabbing hold of my throbbing manhood. I pumped it along with his. The feeling indescribable. I just wanted to climax all over myself, and for him to do the same. The younger male pulls me closer, substituting my hand for his own down my boxers. He squeezed it, causing my hips to buck. I squeezed his, he mewed so cutely. _

"_Sora.. Mm, I'm gonna...cum…" I panted to him softly, kissing his shoulder._

"_Me too… Lets cum together.." He tells me through a lengthy moan. _

_I soon feel him arch his back into me, his body trembling and shaking under my fast rubbing hand. I then feel hot, thick seed pool against his stomach. He moans so deliciously in my ear causing me to climax as well. I tensed, shivers running through me as he continued to jerk me off fast and hard as I released over our sweaty bodies. I collapse on top of him in a heap. I feel his chest rise and fall under my head. I close my eyes with a smile so bright. _

"_Sora.." I start, looking up at him. _

_He was sound asleep._

*

If only..

I snapped back to reality, shaking my head . I place a hand over my eyes for a second, still perched under his window. Daydreams were so calming. I sighed before taking a deep breath and forcing myself to peep through his window. The room was pitch black. I pressed my face against the cool glass, squinting to see through the darkness. Once my eyes adjusted to the low lighting, I scanned the room. No one was there. His bed empty, sheets scattered.. It seemed like the room had been abandoned for some hours. Where could he be? I felt disappointment seep through me as I turned and made my way back towards the tree branch. Back to my own Hell in which I called home.

______________________________________________________________

I'm not giving up that easily.

My sea-green eyes burned with determination as I made my was down the street. I got up early that morning, right when Sora should be leaving out for his first class. I sat on the first step on his porch, slowly tying my tie. I was fully dressed for school myself. Now he had to face me. Enough was enough!

I exhaled loudly, looking at my watch. It was very early. I didn't see why he would want to start class like this just to help build fucking boats.. I rested my chin in the palm of my hand. What was taking him so long?

_**Click!**_

I spun around instantly as I heard the front door open. I felt my heart skip a beat in anticipation.

"Sor-!" I stopped with a frown. A girl with short brown hair and big green eyes stood there. She rolled her eyes at me. His cousin..

"What are you doing here?" She asked me with a bored tone, placing her hands on her hips.

"Not to see you. Where's Sora?" I asked coldly, instantly annoyed by the brat.

"What do you mean where's Sora? He spent the night at YOUR house!" She snorted, resting her head against the door frame.

"What?…" I froze, standing at the foot of her stairs, highly confused.

The girl smirked at my reaction, slowly piecing a quiet puzzle together. "Well.. At least that's what he told his mom.."

Oh shit.. I just busted him in a lie..

I rushed her, grabbing her arm and pulling her against me. "H-Hey, keep your mouth shut about this…" I hissed quietly.

She pushed me, yanking her arm free. A devious look crossed her freckled face. She open her mouth to say something dumb most likely, yet I cut her off with a pointed index finger. I narrowed my eyes at her and she quickly erased that stupid look from her face. She frowned hard at me before sticking her tongue out and retreating back inside. Promptly slamming the door. She knew I meant business, Sora should be fine.. But where was he?

I turned slowly, picking up my backpack and hanging it over my left shoulder. Dejectedly sticking my hands into my pockets and walking down his steps.

"..I give up." I say out loud before a figure caught the corner of my eye.

Now standing on the sidewalk, I step to the side, turning. Had I seen correctly? A familiar brunette came to a slow halt a few feet away. His bright azure eyes locked on me. His expression was startled, worried. He was dressed in his school uniform, ready to go to class as if nothing happened the night before. Where ever he was. I laughed a bit, tilting my head to the side with a small grin. It was Sora alright.

"Do.. They know?" He asked softly, gripping the straps of his backpack.

"…What? That you weren't spending the night at my house?" I asked slowly, my grin faded fast.

He nods subtly.

"Tsh.. No. Freckle face does though, but she's not going to say anything. Thanks for the heads up, by the way." I replied icily.

"I didn't know you were coming over.. Sorry." He says walking past me, not even looking me in the face.

I grab his arm, pulling him down the sidewalk a few houses before letting him go. I was pissed. I felt like he lied to me too or something!

"Where were you?" I asked, glaring at him.

His brows knitted together in slight annoyance. "What's it to you, Riku?"

"What's it to me?!" I replied in a high pitched tone, totally caught off guard by his attitude. "I went by your house last night and you weren't there, that's what!"

The other male looked at me with slight surprise. "Why? What for?"

"I wanted to talk to my best friend! I haven't seen you in a week.." I dropped my arms to my sides, admitting sadly. "I missed you, Sora."

His cute face reddened a few shades. I at least earned an answer. "…Well I spent the night with Kairi." He states, pushing past me and towards the school.

I was shocked once more. He spent the night…? I ran past him and stood in his path. Blocking him. He looked up at me, stopping again.

"You spent the night at Kairi house? In her bed?" I whispered, hoping I wasn't turning a shade of green…

"Don't worry, I didn't tell her about the locker room if you're worried." He added on, trying to get by. I sidestepped, cutting him off another time.

"Why would I be worried about that?… What exactly happened in there, Sora?" I questioned him coldly, stepping up to him closer.

"Yeah, what _did _happen in there, Riku?!" He shouted up at me, shoving me backwards.

I stumbled back a bit, catching myself. I looked over at him. Hurt. I could tell he read my expression. His face calmed down quickly. I reached out to him, wanting to touch him. Yet he pulled away. Looking down at the ground. I rushed him, grabbing him. He grunts a bit, trying to push me away but I held tight. We scuffled. He grabs the collar of my shirt and rams be backwards into a tree hard. The air rushed from me as I gasped out loud. Making me madder. I grit my teeth and growled, pushing my body into him and knocking us down to the grass. I felt him stiffen and moan in pain, yet he still managed to swing his fists into my ribs. It hurt like hell, but I pinned him down still. I grab his wrists and then pinned them above his head. Sora kicked, I kneed his side and he hunched sideways. Groaning. He finally went still.

"Why won't you talk to me Sora?!" I yelled down at him breathlessly.

The other teen breaths heavily as well, looking away from me and down the street. Refusing to part his lips and converse. My long silver hair curtains around my shoulders and the side of my face. Slightly masking the pain he was causing me.

"What's wrong with you?" I added, my voice cracked. God, was I about to cry?

Yeah I was. And I did.

I dropped down a bit, my forehead resting against his shoulder. My shoulders shook as I felt warm tears leak from my tightly clutched eyelids. It was too much.. The not knowing, his behavior.. My own loneliness. I was scared. I didn't want to lose him like this. My grip on his wrists loosen. I felt his arms move. Yet he remained laying on the grass with me on top of him. Sora heaved a heavy sigh under me. His hands touched my sides. My eyes snapped open as his arms wrapped themselves around me. Hugging me tightly.

"…Riku.." He started quietly.

I laid there frozen. Staring blankly. I didn't know what he was about to say, and I feared it. I didn't want to hear him say he hated me for what I did to him. I didn't want him to say he was with Kairi again neither…

"Get away from me.." I spoke quietly, sitting up and wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

His blue eyes widen at my sudden change in moods. I stood up from him, snatching my book bag up from the ground. Sora sat up as well. Covered in grass stains and dust.

"But Riku wait.." He started again.

"You.. You should've told me to fuck off.. If you really didn't feel the same way. You're cruel to play along.. Even for that brief moment. I told you everything.. Everything." My hands curled into tight fists.

"You don't understand!" He yells almost desperately.

"Quite the contrary.. " I held my hand out, summoning my keyblade. It felt heavy. I haven't held it in such a long while. I had no reason to.

Sora looked up at me from the ground where he sat. His mouth gapped open in confusion. I rested my weapon against my shoulder with a smile. The wind wiping my hair from my face in a malevolent fashion I was rather pleased by. Yes I was warning him. I didn't want him no where near me. I couldn't handle anymore pain.. With that I turned from him, walking in the opposite direction. I didn't feel like school today…

* * *

CHAPTER two.5

(Two Years Later)

"You have one new message." I read out loud slowly, grinning brightly as I chew my spearmint gum.

Leaning back in my desk chair, I click my inbox link. Curious. Funny, I just checked my messages a few moments ago. Like I usually do. I had to or my inbox would explode. After all, whats a man to do when he has so many fans? Female fans that thrive for my attention. It becomes a challenge; dating so many at once without giving myself away. Ha. Now that I think about it, even if they knew what I was really up to, I don't think they would give a damn anyways. As long as I gave them what they wanted. What they desired.. My attention. My kisses, hugs and sex. Mostly sex. Which was fine with me. I loved it. The popularity and love. It made me feel alive and needed. I often forget myself in it all… Oblivion.

I opened the message. It was from Kairi.

"Hey Riku!

Um, I wanted to know if you'd come over tomorrow around 11:30pm? I REALLY need your help with painting my front room. Night is the only time no one will be around in the way. Thanks in advance!

Kairi. 3"

I shrugged dully, replying to her message. I didn't care, besides she's been going on and on about painting that silly room. As long as I had the next day free. My 18th birthday was in two days. I planned on partying my ass off. Plenty of friends, plenty of willing and horny girls. I couldn't wait! I stretch my hands high above my head, letting my eyes roam and focus on Kairi's icon picture. It was a new one. I smiled at her soft, warm smirk. She decided to grow her chestnut brown hair out. It hung off her shoulders so lovely. Yes it was fair to say I was still slightly infatuated with her. But the male that stood beside her made sure I didn't try anything. His arm wrapped around her waist.. Pulling her close to him as his other arm reached outwards. Holding the camera that captured their tender moment. His smile so big and happy…

For two years I've managed to completely avoid that smile.

Yes, I haven't spoken or made any contact with Sora in two whole miserable and dismal years...

Though, I still remained in contact with the others. Somehow perfectly timing my departure before I knew Sora would appear. Or even all together not showing up. People wondered of course. Why two boys that were as close as brothers suddenly stopped hanging out. Stopped speaking. I don't know about him, but I made up my colorful variety of excuses. Soon, the wonder died down. And I sunk into my black void of resentment. Fear. Until I realized.. Hey, I was wanted by many others. I didn't need him. Fuck him, I had other ways of feeling loved and wanted. I didn't need Sora. Just like he never needed me.

I sat quietly. Still staring at Kairi's picture. Staring at the blue eyed male. He lost his sheepish boy look. Sora looked more.. Manly. Facial hair decorating a small portion of his chin. His lips still were pretty and pink. Curling into a perfect smile. His bushy brown hair laid perfectly around his face. Making his azure eyes shine brighter. Gods, he was so cute. Curiosity got the best of me as I went into Kairi's profile. And into her posted pictures of them. I browsed quickly, finding more pictures of Sora. I've been through her pics lots of times, but I'd always skip over any that had Sora in em. But now I wanted to see more of him. I had a random urge. I soon find one of them on the beach. Sora standing in the water that reached about mid-thigh. His black swim trunks clung to him. He was laughing, shielding his face with his arms as water hit him. He was topless. His skin sun kissed and shimmering as water dripped down him.

"..Good God.." I murmured, admiring what he was becoming. I bit my lip, unable to look away.

I wanted him for me.

I somehow managed to unravel what I secured away for two years. The feelings and lust I had for him. That I could never fulfill! My eyes narrowed down a bit. Why the hell did I still love him?! I sighed feeling heated. Very heated. I roughly pull my shirt off and tossed it somewhere behind me. I looked down my toned torso. I made sure to keep in shape. Not only for my female companions, but for me as well. I like to look good. I trailed a hand down my abs, stopping as my fingertips tucked themselves under the waistband of my sweatpants. I hesitated before allowing myself to venture further. Touching my semi-limp manhood. Wrapping my fingers around the shaft, stroking it slowly. I inhale loudly, looking back up at the picture on my computer screen. Forcing myself to look at him. Imagining him as the one touching me.. I moan softly at this thought, speeding up my stroke. That singular thought made my masturbation feel ten times better. And before I knew it, I was at the verge of climaxing all over myself…

"Riku! Door!"

I snapped out of my fantasy realm as my father knocked at my bedroom door and shouted at me. I cursed loudly, standing before deciding I better let go of my dick. After tucking my erection away and thinking of less appetizing thoughts, I swung my door open and stormed downstairs to the front door. It was chilly outside. Which helped me out as well..

"Hey Riku. I just thought I'd stop by on my way home from work to say hi to you.. Were you busy?" A blonde bomb says to me shyly as she stood before me.

I smile, tucking some of my long silver hair behind an ear. "Yeah, busy thinking about you baby. I missed you."

My words instantly brightened up her face as it turned a slight shade of red. "Really?"

I pulled her into me. Hugging her tight. The scent of her perfume calmed my nerves. I kissed the top of her head. She was my girlfriend. Well, the only girl I claimed. Stepping back, I lifted her chin and kissed her soft lips that often tasted of her peach lipgloss. I hear her moan and kiss me back hard. She must've came by with other reasons than she said. Well alright then. I needed to vent some sexual frustration anyways. I break our kiss and grab her hand, pulling her inside. I shut the door.

"Is it alright?" She whispered, staring up at me with her big green eyes.

I nod and guide her in front of me. My hands on her hips as we crept past my father's study and up the stairs to my room. He wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night anyways. For once I was grateful of his gross neglect as a parent.

Once we entered my room, I closed and locked the door. Watching as she sat her purse down on my desk and turned to me. Smiling seductively. I turned and leaned against my door, sticking my hands into my pockets as she began unbuttoning her blouse while backing towards my bed. She was a very gorgeous girl. Any man would surely be satisfied with just her. Ashley was sweet, loving and very talented in the bed. And perhaps if I wasn't so fucked in the head, I would appreciate that…

"Riku.. I think I need to be put to bed.." She says with a innocent, fake yawn. Stretching her arms in a fashion that made her shirt slip down her shoulder. Exposing her nice breasts in a fancy silk bra.

"Never fear, Riku's here.." I teased walking to her.

She reaches out, pulling me closer to her by my waist. She kisses my crotch. Teasing my cock with her mouth through my bottoms before looking up at me. "…I love you." She says sincerely, inserting her fingertips between her lips and handing me the gum I was chewing earlier.

"…I love you too, babe." I lie, running my fingers through her hair and popping the gum back into my mouth.

After all its what she wanted to hear. Am I wrong for making her day a bit brighter?

____________________________

"Aww.. Do you really have to?" Ashley whines a bit, pouting as we pulled up into her driveway.

I put the car in park before wrapping an arm behind her, resting it on the headrest. "Yes, I promised I'd help Kairi out tonight. You know that."

She rolled her eyes. "Why do you always jump to Kairi's every whim? She has a boyfriend you know.."

"Here we go.." I mumbled, annoyed.

She sits up forward, grabbing her purse. "Don't you 'here we go' me, Riku!"

"Hey! What the fuck is your issue, Ashley? I just spent a whole fucking day with you! Just chill out, alright? I'll see you later." I snap a bit. Already tired of her jealousy.

She quickly opens the door and jump out, slamming it shut. She stands outside for a moment before speaking through the opened passenger window. "I'm sorry spending time with your girlfriend is such a choir! God, you're such a jerk sometimes…"

I watch as she stormed off towards her front door. Probably crying. "Goodnight Ashley.." I sigh before slipping on my shades and backing out her driveway.

It was whatever to me. Maybe she'd finally wake up and see that I'm not what she thinks I am. She was a good girl, she deserved a real lover.

I turned the radio down as I pulled up to Kairi's house. I step out my car, closing the door. I loved my car. It was an early birthday present from my stepmother. My dad didn't approve, but she really wanted me to have it. I didn't care at first, but now I cherish it.

I walk to her door, the porch light was on.

I stood before her door, latching my shades onto the collar of my shirt. I slowly remove the hair band from my wrist and tie my hair into a ponytail. I didn't want paint in my hair, I spend way too much time keeping it healthy and long. Finally ready, I knock on her door.

"Who is it?" I hear her call from the other side.

"It's Riku." I say in a deep tone. My voice usually is deep nowadays thanks to puberty.

The door opens slowly and she peeks out. Seeing it was me, she giggled a bit and opens up. Hugging me happily. I hug her back, gently rocking from side to side. I loved hugging her. She felt so nice and warm.

"Thanks for coming on so short notice, I really needed the help." She says stepping aside to allow me to enter.

Her front room was all set. The furniture moved to the side and covered in tarp. I turned and looked back over at her. She was dressed in loose baggy clothing, wearing a scarf over her hair.

"Where's Sora? He couldn't help?" I asked with a hint of bitterness I couldn't completely hide.

"Ah… Sora-.. He's away with his father again. Never here when you need him, ya know?" She laughed a bit nervously. Oh great, was this like a surprise for him? Instantly I lost motive. But I couldn't back out now.

I rolled up my sleeves with a light sighing. This was going to be a long night. "..Alright. So where's the paint?"

"Its in the basement. You mind grabbing it for me while I look for the painter tape?"

I nod and turn walking to the basement. As I descended down her steps I thought about how this could meant for someone else that I both loathed and loved. Now how exactly was that possible? I do not know… I made it to the bottom level and clicked on the light. It was so dark down there. Was anyone home?

"SURPRISE RIKU!!"

I jumped back, scared to see the basement was full of people.

"Wha-..?" I asked confused and shocked as Kairi jumped on my back, nearly knocking me to the floor as I tried to recover.

"Happy soon to be Birthday, silly!" She cheered hopping down and dancing around the room with all the guest.

I stare wide eyed as everyone wished me happy birthday. And I do mean everyone. The basement was packed. People crowded around, patting my shoulder, hugging, ruffling up my hair and nudging me. Soon music started playing and the party began. I laughed and greeted people. Admitting to being got. I surely wasn't expecting this! I felt happy. I sat down on the couch next to Selphie. I stole a few chips from off her plate, causing her to blush. She had a crush on me. But then again, every girl on this island did. I was sure of it.

"Did you help Kairi plan this?" I asked her over the music.

Selphie nodded with a small smile before smearing some ketchup on the tip of my nose. I laughed, it was cute. Then Kairi popped up with her camera and before I knew it, she snapped a pic. I reached for the camera to no avail.

"I am soooo posting this on my profile!" Kairi taunted before hopping away.

I couldn't let her do that.

Squeezing past many people, I stalked her. She went upstairs. I followed with a grin. I was gonna scare her good. Quietly I pressed my back against a wall as she disappeared around a corner. As soon as I got ready to follow though, the doorbell rang. I paused as she came back, walked right past me and towards the door. I dashed behind her, planning to startle her as she greeted the guest. As she opened the door I grabbed her from behind.

"Rawr! Gimme the cam!" I shouted, shaking her. She screamed briefly, I felt her leap.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD RIKU!!" She shrieked, spinning around to slap my chest hard as I laughed myself breathless.

I soon looked up to high five whoever it was at her door for the good trick when I froze. My laughter dying right then and there as my eyes fell upon the person. Kairi paused as she saw my face drop. She turned around to look at Sora standing on her porch with a similar look.

"Sora. I'm glad you decided to show.. Um, I'll… I'll leave you two alone for a while." Kairi spoke softly to interrupt the long, awkward silence between us then turned and left.

We only stood there. Staring. It had been so long since I saw him so up close in person. I didn't know how to react. He shifted his feet soon and backed away. Almost frightened. But why? I quickly stepped forward, closing the door behind me. Giving us privacy. The porch creaked as I moved. Sora eyes adverted from me, then he turned and sat on the hanging bench to his immediate left. He leaned forward, resting his arms against the top of his legs and looking downward. As if looking at me was too much for him. I remained standing. Unsure what else to do. I pulled my hair from its ponytail, letting fall over my left shoulder. The length had grown quite fast over the years. Reaching mid torso. I scratch at my small goatee a bit. Trailing my finger up my jaw line. I shaped it into a thin trail that would soon connect with my sideburns. I looked older than what I was. Which helped me in a lot of scenarios.

"Happy.. Birthday Riku!" Sora suddenly says, looking up at me with a bright smile. His voice a few octaves deeper.

I nodded. "…Yeah. Thanks."

And that was about it.

_Forget this.. _I think to myself, turning to open the door and leave him outside.

"You know, two years is a long time.." He began once again, halting me.

I looked over my shoulder at him, my hand still on the doorknob. "Not long enough."

I must have hit a nerve.

"Really? Are we still going to act like this Riku?" He hissed at me.

"What.. Do you expect, huh?" I hissed back, turning to fully face him. I walked closer, towering over his sitting form. "You made me feel like a complete fool!"

"You never gave me the chance to explain…" Sora began.

"Never gave you the chance to explain?!" I couldn't believe him! "You fucking avoided me!"

Without knowing, I was sitting next to him. He looked over at me, worried. His eyes glossy, at the verge of tears. I calmed a bit seeing this. I never wanted to make him cry. Even though he made me cry; I couldn't hurt him intentionally. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to.. But I couldn't actually execute any plan to. I sat back in the swing, looking up into the night sky.

"..Just forget it. It was in the past okay?.." I say gently, rubbing the side of my arm.

He was silent again. The wind rustled the leaves softly in the distance. I felt a cool drop of water hit my cheek. Rain seems appropriate for this moment. Let the sky cry the tears I could not.

"Riku, I was scared. I didn't know how to handle what happened.. I know it hurt you, but I didn't mean to." Sora continues after a while.

"Drop it. It doesn't concern me anymore."

"Don't you miss me? Cus I miss you! You are my closest friend." I could feel him staring into the side of my face now. It made me feel.. Eerie.

"If you missed me so damn much, how come you never said anything to me?" I shot back with a slight smile, to mask the pain running through me.

"You told me to leave you alone! You…drew your key blade out at me.. That hurt so much. I never ever wanted to fight with you anymore. Not after everything we've been through. We've fought enough." The younger male broke down, his voice cracking.

"I was heartbroken. I told you everything! You think it was easy for me? You don't think I was frightened? But I thought we-"

I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence. His lips pressed against my mouth before I could realize he was moving closer. He pulled back almost instantly. His face an adorable shade of red. I was stunned. Speechless. Was this Sora? I looked over him. He looked back at me. His hands curled into tight fists in his lap as we swung idly in the breeze. The wind was picking up. I grabbed him and pulled him against me, kissing him deeply. Wildly. It was like a dream! I didn't care if anyone saw I just NEEDED his lips on mines again. He complied. Parting his sweet lips and letting his tongue touch mines. Fuck! I could rip him to pieces!

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I speak suddenly, breaking whatever vibe we had rolling.

He shrugged, panting softly. Looking around a bit lost. "I don't know.. I couldn't control it any longer…"

"Control what?" I questioned, licking my tingling lips.

"I guess this would be a good time to tell you what I wanted to that day, two years ago.." Sora says quietly, looking into my eyes.

Was I ready for this?..

[chpt two/two.5 end]

[Author's Note: EEE! I know that took FOREVER plus a week.. Gah, I'm sorry! RL has been kicking my ass. X3 I'm working on it.]


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